Peace in Heart and Mind :)

Its been a long week. My mind has been turning in circles. I didn't know what to think. Friday the 19th was the day Elder Harris returned home. I was so nervous I couldn't even focus. By 6:50 that night I still hadn't heard from him. So when my best friend asked me if I wanted to hang out for a minute, I jumped at the chance to get my mind off of not knowing anything. But about an hour after I left the house my sister called me. He stopped by and I missed him! :( I felt horrible!!!! I couldn't believe it!! I called his house right away and talked with his mom. Then I had to wait until Saturday night to see him. I was going crazy for another day. Then I saw him... I still didn't know what to think. I was waiting for the feelings to clear up. I should have known right off the bat that he was the one, right? I wasn't supposed to be confused and unsure. Sunday was his homecoming talk. I wasn't supposed to feel like he didn't want me there. I was supposed to stand out from the rest of his guests, right?

Then Monday and Tuesday went by and I hadn't heard a word. What was going on? He was my best friend!!! I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to see him. Finally, Wednesday morning I called him. I had to hear from him where we stood. He said he wanted to take me to lunch. Perfect! We went out that day. It felt so good talking to him!!! I was on a high for the rest of the night. I look back now and realize that I was just so worried that we wouldn't be friends, and that he didn't want to ever talk to me again. It was such a new feeling to me that it scared me beyond belief. We talked it through and we were just going to be best friends. No dating for now. Maybe in a few months. Sounded good to me. I could be patient a little longer. But my mind wasn't put to rest. I kept thinking about him, us, me, everything. I couldn't go more than an hour or so with out it running through my head. So again, I called him. Today.

He was busy but I just wanted to see if he would be able to spare some time for me. He said he could come over later. While I waited, I came to the conclusion that I needed to tell him that I loved him. I saw all the reasons I had to love him. I didn't even think about not loving him. Then he got here. I decided it would be better to go for a walk rather than sit inside. As soon as we started walking, I lost everything I had thought about, I couldn't say anything without a stutter. I couldn't believe it, I was so nervous. I hadn't felt like that with Elder Harris since we first started dating. Then he took over! What a relief. As soon as I heard what he was saying my mind cleared. There was such a peaceful feeling going through me that I was actually smiling, which was something that I hadn't been doing before. Everything I had been finding in the scriptures and prayers were finally fitting together.

What was being said? The shortened version: I am not going to be with Elder Harris. It's so crazy!! I wanted to be with him SO BAD! And I thought I would be bawling if it didn't work out. But instead of sorrow and pain, all I have felt is peace and gratitude! I have learned so much from this wonderful man. I can't find any sorrow when I think about the past four years and Elder Harris. I am overjoyed that I was able to have such an amazing man in my life!!! And I am even more blessed to still count him as my Best Friend!! Although we won't be talking as much now, I am glad we ended on the best of terms!! I still love this man with all of my heart!!! But now I realize that it isn't an eternal and intimate love, but rather it is an eternal love of best friends!!! I wouldn't change a single thing over the past four years of my life!!! THANK YOU for all the amazing times and memories Elder Harris. Love you Always!!! :)